I don't like it when it's dark outside. In fact, I really don't like the dark inside either. I always see the shadow things move around and it's so hard to tell what they are when the lights aren't on. Which is why I'm doing the barks right now.

Yuppers, I'm kicking up the dirt and grass and just barking all the warnings I can think of on the spot. My friend and I had just stepped out for a late evening inspection when I'd spotted something moving in the bushes. At least I thought I saw something.

My friend keeps telling me there's nothing, but I know there's something. I saw it, and her little light thingy is kind of making it hard to see because all it's doing is making the shadows move around even more.

All the dirt I'd kicked up like a raging bull was making me look super tough though, I know it. This is my job, to make sure my friend is always protect. And I'm the goodest doggy, so I never do the bad job, always the goodest one because that's the only type of job I know how to do.

Strange thing is, I've never had a shadow actually do anything but dance around though. I sort of wonder exactly what they are. I never smell them, they can normally only be seen, like when I peek in my friend's forbidden closet of all the clothes and see all the cool little spots to dig through for treasures, but they're protected by the big hat that makes it look like there's a stranger in there. I know better now, but for the longest time I had thought someone really was in there even though there was no smell. It was just like these shadows.

A doggy can never be too sure in such cases though. Sometimes the shadows are actually there with a smell, like the time the racoons were looting the garbage can of all the leftovers. I could smell their stinky little funny paws digging around outside, but I knew what it was before I even saw them.

In this case, these dancing mysteries are just that, a mystery. They have no smell, and I can't ever catch them either. Which is why the best thing to do is look super tough. I dance around and bark and kick up the dirt so as to look like I mean business. Then after the rest of our evening inspection (which is normally the only time I encounter such things), we return inside after a job well done.

My old buddy has told me that the dancing shadows outside are like the little buggy light thing that dances around on the floor during the game where I see how fast I can go. You'll never catch it, it comes and goes in the wag of a tail, and it has no scent. I guess he's sort of right about it, it does have those characteristics. But these shadows aren't any fun at all. Maybe if they knew some good games, we could play together. But they just choose to give me the creeps instead.

So I'll just keep on barking at them until we figure something better out. Hopefully they'll give in one day and just go away. And my friend, she can tell me to keep it down all she wants, but just so everyone knows, this is puppy-protection business, and I got to do what I got to do.