Dog Journal 1 - Deny Everything

My friend's food is so much better than anything else I can get my paws on around here. Which is why I took his sandwich and ate it. Yuppers, it was totally me. And it was so good too, almost as good as that bite of pizza I snagged the other day.

But here's the problem... I'm not supposed to eat his food, just like I'm not supposed to eat anyone else's food. Apparently I've been assigned my own special bowl for the eats. I don't like those rules though, they just seem to get in the way.

The trick to getting away with this is to be in complete denial mode. I have to carry on like it wasn't me until everyone stops being suspicious. Or at least until they leave me alone. And that can take a while depending on how much of my pal's food I ate. And it can be even harder if I forgot to clean up any evidence or in some cases forgot to plant the evidence in the right place. After all, a good diversion is the best way to put the blame on someone else's plate.

But when I do get caught, I like to start with convincing them that I didn't even have a clue that there was anything on the table at all. It's not like I go snooping around looking for these things. Stuff on the table or anywhere else but my own pupsonal food bowl is totally off limits just like they told me. This all takes a whole lot of repeating though, especially since my pal doesn't really seem to understand the things that I'm woofing him.

If that isn't enough to get the blame off me, I have to move on with the very fact that there was no way I could have possibly done this. It was nap time and I was fast asleep on the sofa dreaming about parks and chasing the ducks and finding the biggest stick. And just to add a little flavor I go ahead and explain one of my many fascinating dreams.

When all else fails, I move ahead by reminding everyone that I'm the goodest girl. Much love and affection will quickly follow as I look for snuggles and hugs and belly rubs. I mean, even if I did do it, who could possibly be mad at such a cute puppy like me? Come on, just look at me! I'm totally the sweetest thing ever!